i don't know how you do it.

i hate feeling like a bad mom. hate it. probably obsess over it, actually. and yes, i admit, i am critical. of myself and others. now, that being said, i plop my kids in front of the tv so i can get some chores done or so i can shower- and i'm ok with that occasionally, realizing that it's a necessary thing- and i don't think that makes me (or you!) a bad mom.
but i don't know how those of you moms working full time and raising families do it. honestly, i don't. especially those of you moms working from home. i don't work full time- but i do work part time and it's mostly from home. it is so hard sometimes to balance between getting work done and being mom. i typically stay up late to get things done or try to work during naptime, but really, sometimes i have other things i want to do during that time. last night, for example, instead of reading the jen lancaster book i picked up a couple weeks ago (and it's fantastic, and not very long- i should have had it read by now!) i had some work that really just needed to get done. and today i'm doing laundry and cleaning the disaster area that i call home. but in between loads of laundry and the dishes and floors, i like to keep up with the emails i receive so that i don't suddenly have 50 messages that need responses.
mady's asleep for her morning nap and charlotte and i have been playing. i realize that she needs that one on one attention and that she thrives on it. but it's so much easier for me to get work done when mady's asleep. so. much. easier. so i stopped playing with charlotte to catch up on some things and totally snapped at her when she kept bugging me to read a book. ugh. bad mommy award. it's not the first time this has happened and i'm certain it won't be the last- but geez.
most of the time i think i do a pretty good job at balancing between my part time job and being a mommy, but there are moments like this when i wonder how those moms who work full time (especially from home!!) do it. how do you balance your time between your job and your family?

willpower.

i have none. it's so bad... brian comes out, says he's gonna have a donut, do i want one? why yes. yes, i do. but, that's not what i said. what i said was, "please eat your donut in the kitchen because i do not want to eat any more tonight and if i smell your donut, i will want one." he grumbles about having to eat in the kitchen. seriously?? cut me some slack here, man. i'm trying not to have a donut tonight! i have had enough to eat today and am not lacking- i do not need a donut.
anybody else feeling me on this?!? why is it so difficult to stand in the kitchen and eat the damn donut? i ask for a little help and get complaints.
next time i just won't buy any donuts. ha!

wtf?

i would like to know why chores don't get done unless i'm home. i'm not the only one living here. the floors don't get swept or vaccuumed. the table doesn't get washed. the counters don't get cleared. etcetera. etcetera.
now i'm home with two sick children, am sick myself (of course), and need to take care of the house and them.
what i want to know is, who's going to take care of me?

really, life?

so, my last two days have been hell-ish. seriously. day one, charlotte had 4 time-outs and a super early nap. she actually stuck mady's hand in her (charlotte's) mouth and bit her. bit her. bit. my. baby. seriously?!?!? definitely had a few moments where she was much safer in her room, sleeping in her bed than in the living room with me. day two, everyone woke up happy (i swear!). and then it changed. i don't know what happened. but apparently the half hour it was taking me to get myself ready for work and their stuff ready for daycare was too much. complete meltdowns. i cannot even tell you how happy i was to walk out the door at daycare- even amidst charlotte's screaming because i was leaving. adios, firstborn child of mine! i'll see ya around 3! we came home and they promptly took naps because for whatever reason, they chose not to sleep earlier. i left for a meeting shortly after they woke up and came home right before bedtime. and i have to tell you, while i wouldn't choose that for my 'everyday' life, i do enjoy it once a week!
i was a little nervous that today would follow that pattern, but alas, i got to sleep in until 8:42. 8:42!! those girls were tired! and i am so thankful! everyone has been happy and things appear to have returned to normal (whatever that is). looks like today will be a good day!

i need a project...

i think i need a project. something big. i've been knitting hats, but i don't think that's a long-term project. maybe i should be like that girl in "julie and julia" and cook through a cookbook and post pics. that could be fun. or maybe i should commit to reading 100 books and writing about them. orrrrr.... something else. i don't know. any ideas?

true life confession

true life confession number 1:
i turn the tv on and let it babysit my kids while i get housework done. bad mom award? maybe. but i think i'm a much better mother when i'm not anxious and upset about a messy house.

where have i been...?

i told you i wasn't good at keeping up with this! the girls keep me pretty busy and i've had lots going on at work, too. not necessarily good excuses considering there are lots of people with children and full time jobs who write daily.
i've seen these lists around a lot lately, and i'm enjoying them, so i thought i'd participate.

things i'm loving:
the cooler weather
leaves changing color
the pumpkin farm
it's candle season!
winter white lasagna- rachael ray --> check it out!
dunkin donuts hot chocolate with whipped cream (definitely had 2 yesterday...!)
my crazy busy schedule

things i'm not loving:
the rain
spiders- why are they all over my house??
mady's new (not) sleeping schedule
"i don't have to" in a whiney 2 year old voice
"i don't want to" in a whiney 2 year old voice
my crazy busy schedule

what are you loving? and not so much...??

you're gonna miss this...

miss madelyn grace. sleeping. my arm is sweaty and aching, but she is soooo comfortable (and has been for almost an hour and a half). part of me is ready to hand her over to her daddy or to put her in her bed (but since she shares a room with charlotte and she's still up talking to herself...lol), and the other part of me cannot believe how big she's gotten. how soon she won't want to lay with me like this. i already miss charlotte cuddling up with me to fall asleep.

a little perspective, here... some days, i cannot wait until bedtime. until the crying and whining stops for a few hours. until i can finally sit down, relax, and just breathe. and then other times i know that these are the best days. even with the crying and whining. because most of the time, my girls are the sweetest, most adorable, kindest children i know. charlotte says things that speak directly to my heart. and mady has these huge, face consuming smiles that stop me in my tracks. and i can't help but know how blessed i am. how much i love them. how i wouldn't trade them for the world. but part of me is so sad because i know that these little girls are going to grow up and not want to snuggle with their mommy. heck, some days they won't even want to be in the same room as me. i understand all that. i just don't know why it's gotta' go so fast...

hello, attitude.

brian looks at charlotte, smiling. charlotte, "no!" brian continues to look at charlotte, smiling. charlotte, "i say no!"
crack me up, hysterical. apparently the man cannot do anything right.

this here blog

for whatever reason you've decided to read this blog. welcome! i can't guarantee my posts will be the most fantastic thing you've ever read, but i can guarantee entertainment. :-) especially for those of you who enjoy reading about the craziness that is 2 children under the age of 2 (well, charlotte is 2, but you get the point!). i can tell you tales that will make you cringe and swear off children forever. and i can give you stories that may just melt your heart. either way, thanks for reading! and i do enjoy comments!
ps- if you've got a blog, i'd love to read it!